I keep the nightstand pistol fully loaded, empty chamber, hammer down.This is what I would call Condition 1 but I'm still trying to figure out the DefCon codes when they scraped them for the color code and I am not ever going to TRY to figure that fecal matter out. Who ever came up with that was doing some serious acid (what ever it was, sure as hell wasn't something mild like a Window Pane or a Christmas Tree mix). {oh umm I said that out loud didn't I? ah would you believe I didn't inhale?} and then put it into whatever everyone was drinking when he or she or it pitched the idea for the colors.
Anyway, that's as good as you can hope for especially if it's high enough they can't get to it when you are sleeping but you can in a second. As for the .22 for the kids good luck with that Buddy, All us guys are right behind you backing you up, way way back of you and hiding. Wives are scary as heck, Someone else's wife is really scary.
Try telling her that since it's not like a BB Gun they can't manage to put an eye out with it.
OK who got that reference and what's it from?